This was tough to write, I won’t lie. I envisaged something completely different, and I have to be ok with that being the case. Disclaimer, my crack at tackling this might be a bit hard-hitting so grab a tissue if you feel like it might make you cry.
Receiving the news that I had cancer was life-changing.
Try being by yourself and being told news of that scale. It was something I can’t comprehend or put in to words. I will never be able to replicate that moment.
I remember it vividly, it will never leave my thoughts “we’ve found a tumour on your brain” a few days later “the tumour is cancer” the world around me stopped. As I was by myself - it wasn't visiting hours - only I could process that information and relay what I was told to others.
Undeniably, a lot of people were heartbroken but I thought it was better for me, family, friends, loved ones, to remain positive, and not let it affect anything, not show my vulnerable side. Not show that I was hurting. It had happened, I was diagnosed with cancer, it was how was I going to deal with it that mattered. The first thought was I wanted to make people proud. Everything I do is to make people proud and believe the impossible is possible.
Here are seven things how my life has changed since my diagnosis.
I know what I want from life and what I want to achieve
I’m not doing anything special, I’m just a guy doing some running, that’s how I think of it. If that inspires others and makes them think “I’m in awe of what he’s achieving, he’s so strong, a real-life hero.”
Cancer makes you realise who’s important to you, who you want by your bedside in your last moments, what you really want to do before the buzzer sounds for the final time.
I always wanted a family, to be there for my children, whatever they needed, doesn’t matter the time of day - I wanted to be a good father that they could rely on. There’s a high chance, I will never get to experience that. To see my children grow up and partake in some of the pleasures an old man does.
I still try to maintain the social side of life
Despite having cancer, I don’t want to be remembered as the person who became as shadow of his former self. It’s easy to slip into the mentality of growing apart from people and not attending stuff, but I don’t to do that. I want others to appreciate the moments with me, make those moments last, and remember the good times - I’m ok with that.
Appreciate the little things
I walk to places slower now, take everything in, even if it’s scenery or the sun. I don’t rush to places as I never know when a certain day will be my last and I can’t do that anymore. It’s important to treat people how you would want others to be treated.
Always have a smile and try to be happy, you don’t know what someone else is going through. They might be fighting an internal battle, not everything is physical, so treat them with decorum and be nice.
It’s about taking nothing for granted
Be sure that everything that you do, you give it your best shot. Always respect others and no task is too much, you can achieve way more when positive. It takes me more energy to be mean to someone then treat them well. You don’t want to have regrets in life, you should’ve done this, you should’ve done that - take life by the balls and always give it your all.
Give to others and don’t expect anything in return - you will achieve more and get further in life. You will have that self-satisfaction that you did something well for others.
I know my time is shorter than normal
My time on earth is greatly reduced by having cancer. It’s not fair, I had my whole life ahead of me, but it’s happened. What I do now with remaining time matters. That’s what I will be remembered for. I want to create something positive others can look back on and remember me, reflect somewhat, and leave a legacy behind which; helps others, benefits them, makes them feel at ease and come to terms with their diagnosis.
If I can help others by being there for them, support them or simply telling a story, I will.
It’s ok to say no and turn stuff down
It’s ok to say no to social occasions. It’s ok to say no to stuff. There’s only so much of you to go around. You’ll get tired a lot easier and it is part & parcel of treatment, the side effects of it all.
All the treatment will catch up with you and no one blames you for feeling better on some days and worse on others.
A lot of the time you might get the overwhelming feeling that stuff is too much, and you might need a rest, it’s ok to do that. You don’t have to seek other people’s approvals to take a rest, you’re more than inclined to.
Some of the best advice that I’ve given from occupational therapist and nurse "if you ever feel tired take a rest".
Realising you are not the same person you used to be
This is quite obvious yet very important.
Since your diagnosis, you will never be the same person. It will alter you and change who you are. Some people talk about your life being thrown into the unknown or thrown upside down, they are right, there’s no argument there.
For me, I can’t play some of the sports I used to, I had to learn how to type again (laptop and phone), learn to walk, speak, eat, drink, write - it was like I was a baby again trapped in a 27 year old’s body. I still have trouble writing and your memory isn’t the same. I try each day to improve and improve things, I want to better myself, make people proud of the new version of me.
I try to give a raw perspective of it all, my journey, a hard-hitting truth which doesn’t gloss over the details. I hope I’m doing that.